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I’ve been doing a bit of thinking lately. I’ve been really struggling to cope with Mr H’s job situation. But why is it affecting me so much? I was in tears this morning over it.

• Is it that I’m such a control freak that I just need to know what’s going on?
• Is it that the uncertainty is just making me insecure?
• Is it that Mr H’s work really is behaving appallingly making us all hang on so much?

Or is it a combination of all of these? Or maybe something else altogether?

While there’s still a chance of staying on at work Mr H is finding it hard to get the motivation to hunt properly for something else. But he’s also struggling to motivate himself properly for what little work he has to do. We seem to be in a bit of a lose lose situation. And in the meantime neither of us is sleeping well (if one of us has a good night, the other hasn’t so neither of us are properly rested). I know we’re not the only ones in this situation, and I know other bloggers are having a hard time workwise too, but it’s just been going on since the end of October. I feel like we need another holiday, but the benefits of that won’t last long at the current rate (in addition to the fact that due to the car we have very little spare money).

Talking of the car, the garage said it would cost well over £1000 to repair so we’ve had to get the insurance company to pay (all but the excess of £400) and cope with the lack of no claims that will follow. At least they provide us with a courtesy car in the meantime (even if it is a very crappy bottom of the range VW Polo that’s falling apart after 6000 miles!). Before they took it away Mr H took a couple of photos, I’ll try and get them up on my Flickr page later. I’ll also put up some of the Wales photos as well (we finally got around to looking at those last night - only a month after we returned!).

We did have a nice time at my parent’s. L and I got on very well - most of the time. The only difficult moment came shortly before we left when I happened to suggest that she might be worng about something…oopps! I was yelled at for going to check whether I was right (even though I wasn’t and hadn’t even considered it). Looking back, most the the times that L and I have had a disagreement in the last few years has been when I’ve happened to question something she’s said. I think I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut, even when I know she’s wrong (though that’s hard when she’s determined to post a letter to an address she’s spelt incorrectly and can’t find the postcode for, and in the process of trying to find the postcode for her -at her request - I discover the spelling mistake). We’re definitely a lot better than we were though.

Dad has definitely had another mini stroke. This one seems to have affected his temperature control (from school biology lessons that would be his hypothalamus I believe). Despite spending most of his time in the sunny south facing living room he’s always complaining of the cold, turning the gas fire on and insisting on all doors being closed all the time. He’s also holding he left arm close to him most of the time, and while he does seem able to use it with out any problems he’s even more righthanded than usual.

Mum is coping - just about. She’s admitted she’s lonely and finding Dad’s memory problems more and more frustrating. She currently saves most of ‘her’ money for treats when L and I go up. I have suggested to her that I’d rather go up more often if that helps her than have lunches/teas out every time. Mum knows I’m on the end of the phone, but she doesn’t like to burden us any more than she has to.

I’m still not being very good at visiting other blogs. I’m slowly catching up on reading but comments are even fewer and further between than ever. I’ll get back on top of them all eventually. I am deleting a few blogs from my bloglines as I go, over 100 is too many! I’ll be back properly sometime soon, I hope.